He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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