Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
