I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
