So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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