He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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