Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
