A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
