She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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