I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
