Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
