On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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