I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
