i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
