I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
