I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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