I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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