smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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