you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she peed on how many people?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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