accomplished twins. life is a go
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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