My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
