Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
