booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My balls are so social today.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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