Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
