please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
