mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
