whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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