You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
