dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
