glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
