just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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