And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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