then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
