I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
