So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
