Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
