I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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