I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
