i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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