I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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