Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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