Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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