I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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