I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
