I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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