I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
