Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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