Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
