this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
