Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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