final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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